i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
