There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
