Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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