Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize