clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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