can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
