i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
