I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
