I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize