READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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