i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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