Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
