My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
please come you make the beer taste better
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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