Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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