Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
