The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
You've changed since you got that strap on
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
