Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
