Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
