i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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