I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
