What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
