i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Randomize
