There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
this boner is exhausting
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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