how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
