I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
