I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
