I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
