Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize