loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
