sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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