...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
sex in a hospital.. check
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
