He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
