i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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