Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
