i don't like sucking hair
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
