I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
