let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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