I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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