So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
