So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
