you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Sorry my hands just texted you
50% drunk capacity currently
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
