Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
