She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
