we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
