omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
