i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
