I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
