I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
