omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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