I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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