Nicole vs. Life
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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