How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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