Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
