that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
