whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
