I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
