I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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