I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
