god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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