Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
