she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
