She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
