Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
