That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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