CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
