sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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