Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
