Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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